I don't like emotional decisions.
Ever had something work out differently than you expected? Of course you have.
We all have.
There are days when misspent hopes and misplaced dreams swirl around me like cigarette smoke. Stinky and damaging. Today is one of those days.
TESTING When dinner burns and fire alarms blare, waking up the baby and causing chaos...when we have to rush off to Sonic (using my blow money makes this feel extra sad!) because I forgot to plug in the crock pot...when work goes terribly and misunderstandings happen... These are testing times, opportunities for growth.
So what's the problem? I mean, growing into maturity is a noble goal right?
The trouble is, that when I'm opening windows to let smoke out or sweeping up shards of glass while breakfast ruins, I don't feel like I'm growing. I feel like a failure.
When work goes poorly and people don't like me, I don't feel like I'm maturing. I feel rejected.
Maturity requires dying to self and dying to self is hard. Confession: I don't like to do hard things. I might enjoy the benefits on the other end of the process, but it's hard for me to maintain true and deep joy in the midst of sadness.
I want to pay attention to how I feel, but not allow my feelings to demand control.
MOVING FORWARD So here I am, full of emotion. I know it's not best for me to act on them in the moment. So what can I do to move forward? This is when I remember The Three Gates. Click here to become a subscriber to get the free download. SLEEP ON IT Sleeping on it assures that my emotions subside. After 24 hours, I can more clearly articulate how I feel and why. RESIST GOSSIP It's so easy to gossip and tell others how I feel to acquire acceptance and be validated. And while this will help my emotional state, it does not solve the problem. It more firmly plants the thoughts of "I'm right, they're wrong," in my mind. Yuck.
I can make my plans, but God will direct my steps. If "bad" circumstances cross my path, I am reminded that I cannot tell the future. My eyes are blinded from the spectacular way my life interlocks and gives way to beauty.
RESIST TEMPTATION In the book Anne of Green Gables, upon realizing she might not be adopted, as hoped, Anne said to Marilla Cuthbert, "I'm in the depths of despair...Can't you imagine that you're in the depths of despair?" "No I cannot," Marilla firmly responded, "To despair is to turn your back on God."
Deep down I know that it will be okay. It will work out...it always does.